...the missing puzzle...

Hey,
It's been awhile because I'm 'busy' updating my other blog with 'happy and glorious' moments.

*
*
*

I've become a person that overly sensitive in every single thing! I don't know how the heck this 'disease' effect me but, I think I'm emo! But....but, I love it!
Being an emo not so bad you see.. You can talk whatever your heart want to talk about, with the way it want them to be and so on. And now, thanks to the designers out there, EMO have their own fashion sense. Not with that over the top gorgeous dress, but with simple EMO style. Emo people also have their own hairstyle. How cool is that? Except that I didn't get my hair done the emo style...yet.

Enough with that.

So, why am I so depressed and peculiar and everything it between? Because my heart is in that situation.

Life is not sometimes hard.
It ALWAYS hard. Period.
But it is the way it supposed to be right?
Yea...right! Bullshit!

When I do this, it's wrong.
When I do that, it's wrong.
When I didn't do anything...
Oh yea, it's wrong.

What am I supposed to do?
I feel lost and clueless about everything.
I don't get every single thing.
I really wish I can ask God what he planned for me.

Be a hooker?

Be an accomplish person?

Be a full time depressed person?

Be an emo?

or what....?

Sometimes I think that I don't have the purpose in life but in the same time I know I meant to be something much more than that.

Something better.

Something bigger.

This is life. Full question marks. Full of shit. Full of depression.

This is me. Stuck in between like a tuna sandwich or a california roll or something in between.

Keep guessing in life.

Keep being an emo depressed kid in the town. Like there is no tomorrow...

I am everything in between. Period.

G'day,

How is everybody? Hope you're doing better than me.

Ahh...I always wish you better than me.

 

You know, when I look back, thinking about something that won't solve anyone's problem is just a waste of frigging time. But, I couldn't help it... I mean, yea... couldn't help it, help myself in trying NOT to think about them. Sometimes is just too hard. Way harder than you think!

 

It is easy to advise others but, it's hard to gulp in the advises yourself. Yup! I'm in that case.

 

I am a positive individuals but I guess, I'm already not.

 

Shit!

 

Shit!

 

Shit!

 

and MORE shit!

 

'Shitty things happen for a reason...'

 

It's all BULLSHIT!

 

I couldn't find any, not even a single, damn, frigging, stupid REASON.

And why should I believe you when you said that again, again AND AGAIN???

 

Stupid!

 

Fucking!

 

Shit!

 

Mother Fucker!

 

Son of a Bitch!

 

Whore!

 

Cum-shot!

 

*pfft*

 

I feel like cursing!

 

I already did.....

 

 

Someone ripped my heart out!

 

It hurts badly... pain in the arse!

Everything is wrong, every single damn thing.

It shouldn't be like this...but,

 

Damn!

 

At one moment, I held the knife on my right hand.

I was this close, this close to cut myself.

Thinking in ending my life as soon as possible

To escape from every little shitty things.

 

I want to peek at my own grave.

Better I want to dig for my own grave.

 

Silence...

 

My space, my only dark space. I never have to share with anyone, anymore.

 

With two eyes shut,

 

I can only hear the sound of darkness, loneliness and peace.

 

I will never go through shitty things ever again!

 

I am in depressing state and I hope by writing it down, it will help. As what the psychologist said.

 

It is depressing when you planned your future and some random guy just vanquished it all. I feel like my heart had been double-kicked by some microorganism in my blood.

 

Huh… I feel like killing myself but I know that is not the solution and it will never be. So why am I wasting my time thinking about something that I won’t do? Well, maybe when I reached at some point or level, I’ll just…

 

Lock my room and turn up the volume,

 

Write a suicide note (just one), then

 

Put it on my bed beside the pillow,

 

Step into the shower screen,

 

Twist the pipe knob and let the water wash away the bad karma,

 

Let it wet my body,

 

Grab the knife that I stabbed on the soap,

 

Slowly bring it to my left wrist,

 

And…slowly, cut it deeper and deeper.

 

Til then, no one will be able to save me.

 

 

I wish people would understand me, but no one did. No one will. No one care.

 

Hey G'day,

 

I hope you are doing better than I am. So, this is the official Atique emo blog.

 

So, this is the other side of me that I think you never saw. But, I hope you stay tuned and keep on touch with me.

 

I will update every websites I owned not once in blue moon as soon as I can. I try to keep everything alive.

 

So, I'm signing out and keep me updated with your condition.

 

xoxo,

Atique